A Lawyer Walks Into A Barre

Aaaaand…. Someone published me:

“It’s a typical Wednesday morning at the office, and I am alternately revising a contract, sending calls from my mother to voicemail, Googling birthday party venues for my six year old, and scanning the latest Trump / border crisis / senseless gun violence related headlines. Looking down at my lap, my once crisply tailored slacks are noticeably straining over my splayed hips and thighs. The waistline digs into the soft folds of my belly a little too snugly for me to ignore.

I know where this is headed. My mother, her sisters, my cousins—all of the ladies in my family—bear witness to the unfortunate, seemingly inevitable, soul-crushing reality that is the middle age spread. It’s coming for me. Who are we kidding? It’s arrived.

Resolved to reverse fate or, at the very least, forestall the inevitable, I sign up for that afternoon’s barre class at the boutique fitness studio in my town…”



Thank you Defenestration Magazine for accepting this when many other publications would not. It’s nice to see it in print!


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