Well, it’s here. 2017. Happy New Year, everyone!
This is going to be a super short post. I could offer half-hearted excuses for not writing a post in several weeks, but that’s boring. Let me just say what we’re both thinking, “I’ve been busy,” and leave it at that.
Life without depression and anxiety nipping at me heels is a revelation. It. Just. Keeps. Getting. Better. All of the time I spent managing my moods and self-correcting is time I now spend enjoying life and also advancing my life. I catch myself feeling bad sometimes, in passing, because of all the lost time. There were years I struggled needlessly. Many years of lows, low-lows, and bland periods of ok-ness. I would make progress and then suffer a setback. I couldn’t seem to get past ‘GO’ in several areas of my life and I didn’t know any different.
Depression is like ivy growing over a brick wall. It creeps so slowly. It will creep across anything, even a window. It will wedge itself between the slats of the shutters, under the window sash. It could quite easily grow so thick as to eventually obscure the entire view without anyone noticing. From the outside, it looks lush and green. It looks fine. Pleasant, even. No one will remember the window, that it ever opened to let in light and fresh air, unless – Someone goes inside the house, wanders the rooms, and takes stock. No one was wandering the rooms of my mind except me. I wore out those floorboards, I wandered so much. I didn’t much notice or care about the stale air and gloom.
The house feels flooded with sunlight now. Miss Havisham, I am not. I couldn’t be more literal, in fact. I spent several hours last month and this weekend cleaning out the attic. Cleaning out my closets. Cleaning out the kids’ closets. The junk drawers. The old toys are boxed up. I’m giving tons of stuff away.
I’ve made lists. Glorious, glorious lists! Lists of goals. Tremendous goals! Some might call them “to-dos,” but I choose to call them GOALS, because as a good student and overachiever I love GOALS. Give me a goal, any goal, and I will tirelessly work toward it. All of these goals that I’ve written down share a common theme: Tackle the little stuff to make room for the big stuff. Examples:
If I de-clutter my house, I will de-clutter my mind.
If my car is clean, I will smile when I get into it.
If I organize and print more photos, I will have that many more reminders of fond memories and the people that I love.
If I go to bed earlier, I can spend more daylight hours doing things that I enjoy. Like writing. And reading. And RUNNING!
So when thoughts about my past start to creep into my mind, making me feel that old sadness, I stop. I really do. I get out the metaphorical hedge clippers and start hacking away at those resilient vines. There’s no vacation from this, but I’m staying on top of it.
GOALS. That is all. Big Goals. Stay tuned!
Upcoming race: Saturday January 7th G.A.C. Fat Ass Trail Race in Topsfield, MA
Here are a few recent pictures of my life on the run. Enjoy!
What are you hoping to run more of in 2017: roads or trails?
Do you bother with resolutions or is all that just hog wash?
Goals. Share your goals with me!